I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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