WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
