uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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