Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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