just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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