He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
