I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
