I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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