So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
