I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
