when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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