her vagine was all disorganized.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I FOUND THE LEGS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize