I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
