i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I looked at my own cervix.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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