Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How external is "for external use only"?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize