I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
