highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
