no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
