I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
