Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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