umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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