Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
