I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize