I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
