So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
