I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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