she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
