Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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