So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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