there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
