I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
