Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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