when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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