she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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