my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
