I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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