Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
