so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
