I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
