You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
