you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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