he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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