We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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