Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
