What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
