I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
