Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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