The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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