i may or may not be watching the land before time
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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