it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
