Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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