I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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