how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
