ya dads aren't the best wingmen
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
