just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
we should paint friendship bongs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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