hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Randomize
