buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize