pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
