Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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