so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
