You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
