Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
