your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
