your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
