I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
