You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
