Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
