I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize