I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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