The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize