My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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