i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
