They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize