Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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