oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
