so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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