five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
