I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
