I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
