I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
