I think i peed on brittanys purse
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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