why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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