my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize