Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
