You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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